Bryce is such a sweet little boy, I wish everyone could meet him. He’s six weeks old today! Its hard to believe I’ll be going back to work and he’ll be starting school in two weeks. Our quality time together is coming to an end. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to give him as much love and attention as I did Reed, but of course, it’s not really possible.
Reed was our first so there are just too many emotions that cannot be replicated on the second go ‘round. They also say that one of the worst things is to compare your kids. But, HOW am I expected not to? When I think of Bryce’s birth weight, I think of him being a pound less than Reed. When I work with Bryce on his strength (tummy time & sitting to hold his head up) I think about how strong Reed was as a newborn. Bryce’s first smile compared to the timing of Reed’s. I can’t help but trying to make sure that Bryce’s development is on track with Reed’s. I know he’s his own little person, but this is the only way I know to make sure he’s not getting behind, and to remind myself to work with and challenge Bryce, the way we did with Reed every day. I don’t have as much time or desire really to re-read all the baby development books and emails.
Reed is so smart and we know that it’s because Mike and I work with him daily. He can identify all the letters in the alphabet and loves to show off that skill. When Reed is praised and encouraged he will do anything! His goal in life is to win approval and get applause. I love the way he says “H” and “W” (dubby). S, Q, and X are up there, too. He’s a little mocking bird! Which raises a question- when we were driving this weekend, Mike hit the brakes a little hard and Reed said, “Dit”. I have to wonder how much I swear when I drive!
Bryce loves to be held, but is much better about sitting on his own than Reed ever was. Reed needed me to hold him every second of every day as an infant.
They say second babies are supposed to be easier- but I want to make sure that just because he’s a little easier, he doesn’t get neglected and left to lay on his play mat by himself for too long. I will do my best to make sure he doesn’t have a flat head!
Bryce is settling into a nighttime sleep routine and becoming a much better sleeper. I’m happy to turn the corner on that one because even though he doesn’t really sleep any longer that he was before, but he’s sleeping more peacefully. Less grunting and squirming. We’ve been trying to get him to sleep alone in his cradle and he’s been doing much better. I snuggled him to me and he slept in our bed for the first 2-3 weeks.
Reed started out pretty rough with Bryce, he would rock him in the car seat but enough to make us worry about shaken baby syndrome! He would also try to give Bryce his pacifier (Reed thinks that since he’s an addict, then his brother should be, too) but he was really shoving it in there and has gotten much more gentle about it. I can confidently ask him to give Bryce his pacifier if he’s crying and I’ve got my hands full. He loves to lie down with Bryce when he’s on the floor. Sometimes ON him. And it melts my heart to hear Reed say his name, “Bye-ssssss”.
Most days I don’t accomplish anything. I try to get a nap every day, but when Reed is home it’s nearly impossible. They like to tag team me. When one is up, the other is sleeping. If I get that one down, the other wakes up. But, it’s also a good thing because it makes them more manageable when I take care of them one at a time. It’s a lot less overwhelming to be able to fix Reed’s lunch and feed him while Bryce is sleeping.
I recently had a bout of the baby blues. Its difficult for me to feel like I’m not doing anything productive. To have projects in mind, goals I’d like to accomplish and things to work on, but not have the energy even if I do find the time. I’m just below maintenance mode. Barely keeping some laundry clean to wear, barely keeping some dishes clean to eat from. No motivation or energy to get myself showered, hair done or make up applied. Even being embarrassed of my appearance when I drop Reed off at school wasn’t enough motivation to do something about it. I was letting myself dip lower and lower each day- forcing myself to laugh for Reed and go through the motions. You know the old theory about smiling when you feel blue- and it actually helps to lift your mood? It does. But, it also just made me roller coaster a bit more.
I talked to Mike about it and my friend Melissa- I was surprised how much it helped just to say I was feeling sad! Then, last Saturday we had a friend watch the boys so we could grab dinner and a movie. I was feeling pretty sparky and was finally able to quench my margarita craving. It really felt like normal again. Being with my husband, wearing clothes and make-up and laughing over a frozen drink. I also think that Lortab has anti-depressant properties, because I haven’t taken one for about a week now and I think after a few days it was like I was crashing off the medication. I didn’t want to take one just to feel “good” if I wasn’t in pain- that’s not my thing- but don’t think I didn’t think about it and wonder if that was the cause.
I’m lucky to have really good friends that care about me and my family. I make an effort to see them frequently and not squander too much of my time just moping about. Although, sometimes moping about feels good, too!
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