The one about my friends

Kelly and I were cracking up at Josie's new friends!

True love wasn’t such a hard find after all. Sure I had my share of dirtbags I had to sludge my way through, and I had my share of fun and kind people who helped me learn what I was really looking for in a man.  But, true love literally walked right into my cubicle at the tender age of 23, and delivered itself as easy as a piece of interoffice mail.

A best friend, however, seems to keep me searching.  A really good friend is a tough find.  I wonder why that is?  True, I have a nice circle of wonderful people in my life, and I don’t want to give any of them up.  But, I continue to search for that friend who will always have my back no matter what, who shares the same opinions and views on the big stuff and the little stuff, too.  A best friend that’s reliable and compatible with my personality.  I envy my friends who have such a person in their lives.  If it weren’t for these friends and their claims, I’d just throw in the towel right now and say that my idea of a best friend is an urban legend, a myth, a fairy-tale of the wickedest kind.  Perhaps it still is, perhaps the stories I hear are exaggerated and it’s a conspiracy against me.  Perhaps, most likely of all, it’s just that my expectations and standards for a best friend are too high, my parameters set too tight, and perhaps, just maybe, I drive away great friends because I think they’re just good friends and don’t accept them and the friendship for what it is.  Nah, I’m not considering that last part!

I'm slightly more pregnant than Josie ;o)

I’m an initiator.  Once I consider a person a friend, I’m the one who initiates the get-togethers almost 99 percent of the time. Sometimes I think I’ve accepted this and I’m okay with it, but really the truth is that if someone never invites me to do anything or asks me to hang out with them then eventually the natural conclusion is that they just don’t find my company worth the inquiry.  Right?  I mean, if I were that fun to be around, it would occur to them to invite me over instead of just waiting for me to ask and then accepting when the opportunity is convenient for them.  I want someone who wants to hang out with me. 

Like I said, I do have a little circle of nice friends.  I know they care about me and enjoy my company.  Kelly is also an initiator, and its wonderful to have someone who  is comfortable with both planning ahead and throwing out the spontaneous invite as well.  Our friendship is like a Z. It’s a zig zag of common interests and complete opposites.  Fortunately, there are enough similarities in the important areas to keep us coming back for more.  I know she fills a special place in my life and that space is reserved just for her.  I'm lucky to have Cassie in my life- she is generous with her wings and takes our family under them as if she owed it to us.  As if it were an obligation to her and Keith to accept us, but of course it's not, which makes the Christmas dinners and Superbowl parties all that more special.  As the quote goes, "friends are the family we choose for ourselves."

Josie taking Reed & Luke to pet the goats

   
I was so excited about my friendship with Josie and had such high hopes for a “best friend” status.   There are a couple of important factors that matched up so perfectly for us.  For one, we both have space in our lives for a good solid new friend.  Most of my friends here already have an existing friend-foundation andfar as to say Luke was Reed’s best friend. Besides being a mother, Josie and I are interested in the same activities. We’ve got cycling, running, swimming, triathlons, traveling, coffee, Mexican food, kiddie concerts, spray parks… okay this list go really go on. The point is, we can exchange tips, tricks and warnings. We can borrow, trade, and share gear. Our boys were getting so good at playing together that Reed was often requesting play dates at Luke’s house. I’d go so far as to say Luke was Reed’s best friend.

As Kelly put it, Josie was a staple in my life until two weeks ago when she packed herself up and ran away to Denver with Luke and her growing belly.  Her husband snatched up an opportunity to take a job in Denver where she’s from, and left us here abandoned.  . Give another couple-few years.  But no,  they opened that door, pulled the trigger, flew the coop!  It took multiple attempts to hold back the tears because the longer we talked about it and the more the reality of it set in, the more sad I got.  My friend! My Josie! Our friendship foundation had been poured and was starting to set!  We had something solid under us and I had to say goodbye to it. 

Our very last play-date was one big denial.  I kept telling her that I’d be stopping by later to drop off a gift for Luke.  A little going away present for the road trip, so I didn’t need to do my goodbyes yet.  Then when I did stop by that night, I just stood in the entry way with a plead at the tip of my tongue and the urge to beg tickling my knees.  Hands in my pockets, toes fidgeting in my shoes, eyes cast downward.   “Any chance I could talk you into staying?” I asked awkwardly.  If I had thought there’d be a chance that begging would have worked, I’d have tried it.  But, I know from experience that when you have to go, you have to go, even when you’re leaving behind people you care about.       

It’s been two weeks since the last time I saw Josie.  I miss her kindness and thoughtfulness.  She would stop for lattes on her way over to our house to play.  When Mike was out of town, she would invite us to hang out at her house for a long afternoon/evening play date.  She’d make dinner and we would eat together.  Another time when Mike was out of town and Bryce was just a newborn, she left Luke with Matt when he got home and came over to keep me company.  She stayed and held Bryce so I could put Reed to bed, and that was when I knew I had a true friend to count on.  Josie was always helpful. I try to pretend I have it all together.  Actually, I really try to have it all together!  I just don’t sometimes, and extra hands, extra eyes and extra snacks are as valuable as diamonds.  She was always so helpful and made outings easier on me.  Now I’m really starting to feel it.  Two weeks of doing it all on my own, I’m lucky I haven’t lost a child, or had one lose an eye or break a bone.  Its more and more temping everyday to just hole up inside for the next couple of years!!

What I want to say is, Josie I miss you.  I’ll do my best to replace you, but I doubt I’ll be successful!