Smile

How do I spend my days? It’s all about Reed. When he wants to eat, burp, sleep, and my favorite – play. I love making him smile! It’s so rewarding and makes the sleepless nights worth it. Yesterday I had him lying in his pack ‘n play, it has a shade that goes over the top, so I was hiding behind it saying, “Where’s mommy?? Where did I go?” and pop out to say, “Boo! Here I am!”

The side of the shade as some netting on it that I can see through and I watched him every time I “hid”. He smiled when he couldn’t see me!! Not when I popped out to say boo, but when he couldn’t see me! I already have a silly son.

Today I had a much needed outing with Kelly and Sophie, who is only 3 ½ weeks older than Reed. We met up at Cuppies and Joe for a cupcake and latte and then stopped by the farmers market to browse the fresh goodies. The last couple days have been lonely with Mike out of town. I try to be very aware of my moods and cautious of getting too blue. The statistics for postpartum depression are alarming. About 1 in 10 new moms are diagnosed with PPD and 1 in 4 get the “baby blues”. In my last couple months of pregnancy Mike and I talked about it a few times because he wanted to make sure I knew that I could tell him if I was feeling down. I couldn’t really imagine being sad, but I knew it was important so I promised to be open about my feelings when the time came. The first week home from the hospital I was so in love with Reed and had a million positive emotions surging through my heart! I was mesmerized by his face and loved my one on one moments with him. I could never ever imagine getting depressed! Not with him in my life now! I couldn’t even imagine having one negative thought!

At 5 ½ weeks now I can see how the daily grind takes its toll and can spin a quiet little web of sadness. Its important to spend time focusing on the positive, it’s important to spend time out of the house and with other people as well. It sounds easy but it’s really not. Sometimes its easier for the day to slip by without doing anything at all! Then I have days like yesterday where I contact 5 people but still end up alone. When Mike is gone I know I have to break up the hours by reaching out, it just happened that everyone was busy and after hearing it so many times I had to quit asking. Even my mom was too busy to chat with me online! I try to keep some variety in my day. We go out in the back yard and play on a blanket in the shade of a tree. Sometimes we take a little walk around the block and we spend a lot of the day singing songs and discovering new dance moves. Last week I had Allissa come over on Thursday morning to play with Reed while I got a couple more hours of sleep and Cassie came on Friday to do the same thing. The mornings seem to be the best time to have the help because waking up multiple times during the night just tends to wear on me. Sometimes the last couple times Reed wakes up, I find myself throwing back the sheets with a tinge of irritation because I know I’m running out of nighttime hours and the day is sliding right in and I’m not ready to start!

I’ve had a couple unstable days where I cried for almost no reason, who can blame me? I just had a baby! I’m allowed some emotional moments with all the hormones going berserk. Mike has been very understanding and supportive through it and I think he’s grateful that it has been so easy. I’m sure he expected it to be worse, with all the warnings he’s read! The last time I was crying, he came up to me and said, “you’re doing a great job, honey. I love you.” To which I replied, “you’re just saying that because I’m crying!” poor guy! Its okay, I apologized later.

So don’t worry, I’m keeping things in check. I’m asking for help when I think I need it (although I don’t always get it) and I’m keeping an eye on my attitude. The phrase I hear most often is, “it gets better” and I know its true, but that also means my little baby will grow up! I know that when he starts sleeping thru the night that only means that he’s not an infant anymore. I’m telling myself that I have to enjoy this time with him because “they grow up so fast” and I must live in the moment and not take any of this time for granted. I’ve decided not to wish my days away. I love my baby, Reed! We will continue to make each other smile :o)